Before the Dawn
by itslivinginallofus
Summary: ElliexPaige, PaigexEllie, Pellie. A PaigeEllie love story written back in 2005. Hopefully it stands the test of time! Lots of angst and fluff - what a combo! Hehe. Please review as you feel compelled, just don't gay bash, k? Awesome!
1. Pain

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components. _

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **This was written back in 2005, which explains both when in the series this would have taken place and also my less advanced writing techniques ::giggles:: My only Ellie/Paige fic to date. Definitely a fun pairing to dabble with. Please review however you feel compelled (minus the gay bashing). Enjoy!_

Ashley was nearly dosing off when the doorbell to her house startled her out of her tiredness. She stood from the floor where she had been sitting outside of the bathroom door, waiting for Paige to come out, and walked downstairs to answer the door. It was Ellie, who had slept over the night before. She was welcome to stay two nights in a row, but declined the invitation when she discovered Paige would be staying, too.

"Hey," Ellie said, "Mind if I come in for a minute?"

Ashley, who was a tad bit overwhelmed with all that was going on at the moment, stepped aside for Ellie to come in. "Sure, I just wish you had called first. Things are kind of crazy right now."

"I tried calling like, 800 times, but no one picked up. Besides, I'm only here to grab my makeup bag. Marco and I are on our way to The Dot and I figured I'd stop by now. I left it in the bathroom when I slept over," Ellie said.

"Ooh," Ashley winced, "Not good."

"Why not?" Ellie asked.

Ashley sighed. "Paige has been in the bathroom for 4 hours crying on the phone with Spinner. I think she's off now, but even so, she won't come out."

"Oh, really?" Ellie said, self-convinced that she could get in without Paige stopping her.

Ashley raised her eyebrows, fighting a smile. "Ellie, no," she began, "She's had a really rough time. I think they broke up."

"And your point is…?" Ellie asked, walking up the stairs to the bathroom. Ashley breathed deeply and reluctantly followed, sure that commotion would ensue.

Before barging in, Ellie decided she'd give the politeness card a try and knock on the door.

"Just leave me alone!" Paige yelled from inside the bathroom.

That was all Ellie needed to hear before she threw the door open and marched straight into the bathroom. Paige, who was thrown merely by the fact that someone had opened the door, was even more angered to see Ellie standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Paige inquired angrily, her face streaked with tears and her breathing heavy.

Ellie moved straight over to the sink to begin to gather her things, giving Paige merely a sideways glance. "Boyfriend troubles?"

"Ellie, shut up, you have no clue what's going on! And if you must know, Spinner's not my boyfriend anymore, okay? So, just go away!"

As Ellie caught her first decent look at Paige, she almost felt bad at the pain she could sense in Paige's voice and on her face. Refusing to make eye contact, Ellie handed Paige a tissue. Paige, more embarrassed than flattered, snatched the tissue from Ellie's hand. Ellie could almost feel the soreness under Paige's eyes on her own skin, and didn't know why she was feeling any sympathy for her. I mean, this was Paige. She wasn't even sure Paige had feelings of her own. But even so, she decided to interject some of her own feelings Paige's way.

"I know how you feel," Ellie said, somewhat under her breath.

Paige's emotions got the best of her as she snapped, "Uh! How would you? You can't even understand the pain I'm going through! Will you please just leave me alone?"

Ellie, who at this point was so done with being nice, especially to Paige, rolled up her sleeve, revealing several large scars and cuts.

"Don't tell me I don't know about pain!" Ellie callously grabbed her make up bag and stormed out, rolling her sleeves back down.

Paige sat motionless, reeling in the shock of what just happened. Her tears again began to fall, but this time for a reason that completely surpassed the previous.


	2. Fate?

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

20 minutes later, Ashley led Paige from the bathroom to the living room where they spent the majority of the night watching movies. Paige didn't mention what she had just discovered, so Ashley figured Paige's demeanor was due to her break up with Spinner.

While in the past Paige hadn't always been sympathetic to her own pain, Ashley knew that this attitude coming from Paige was something not to be harped on. She even decided to cater to Paige's situation and ran a marathon of Paige's favorite movies.

However, Paige remained oblivious to the fact that the movies were even playing. The image of Ellie's arm, worse than it had been since the first time she had seen it, kept replaying in her head. She recalled the vulnerability in Ellie's voice, the look of hurt in her eyes, and the forbidden tear drop that fell on her way out. Her self-anger kept building and she slowly felt herself unraveling – why did she have to be such a bitch to Ellie? Ellie did nothing to her. In fact, she was just trying to help, but Paige had to throw up her regular "Paige defense" and shun out any sort of positivism that was trying to sneak its way in. But if she could have just for once, in retrospect, kept it in, she would never have been haunted with the visual of Ellie's emotional pain etched out on her arm.

As much as it sickened her, she almost felt it fate that she and Ellie ended up at the same place at the same time and had the conversation they had, because now Paige had a chance for redemption. She assumed that no one but Ellie and herself knew that Ellie had started cutting again. Or had this even stopped? If no one was checking Ellie's wrists, there was a possibility that she had been cutting the whole time. Paige couldn't imagine what life would be like without her mom, Dylan, Hazel, Ash, Spinner...

She just now remembered that she and Spinner were over, this time for good. All of the time they had spent, all of the trust she put in him even after the ordeal with Dean, all of their phone calls and conversations... then back to Ellie again. God, why was this playing so heavily on her thoughts? Ellie and her were barely friends, and when they did speak, it was usually in argumentative tones. But, Paige had to admit, most of the time it was to maintain her "famous" front of an attitude, and she actually was fascinated by Ellie and admired her sense of individualism. Whether they were friends or not, Paige was smart enough to know that no one should be inflicting pain upon themselves, and she knew she had to say something. She nervously twiddled her thumbs and planned out carefully what she would say to Ellie before she drifted off to sleep in the glowing light of the TV.


	3. Insecurity

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

Ellie's writer's block was getting to her today more than ever before. When Ashley knew about her cutting the first time around, she suggested writing to Ellie as a safe, constructive form of getting her feelings out and bringing order to all of the chaos. While she never showed anyone, Ellie had taken Ashley's advice and accumulated a more or less extensive collection of poetry or even just scribbles when she was feeling a deep emotional void, which was pretty often.

But today was different. Ellie nervously tapped her pen on her desk so many times that it wore in a small notch. Her head began to pound with the feelings that swarmed her brain. Living back with her mom, her break up with Sean, her feelings of distance from Marco and even Ashley, missing her dad while he was away – all of the usual things with an added pressure. Every time she thought of what she said to Paige, her stomach turned. She was partly angry at herself for opening up to someone she usually went to great lengths to avoid. She partly felt vulnerable at the amount of information she had shared with someone she barely knew. But she mostly felt uneasy, not having any idea what to expect. Paige probably didn't even hear her, too worried about what her asshole of an ex-boyfriend had done or said.

Ellie tugged at the rubber bands on her wrist, snapping them frantically until she couldn't take it anymore. She reached into her dresser drawer and found her exacto-knife.

Suddenly... the phone rang.

Maybe it was Ashley with that "best friend intuition." Or Marco maybe. Anyone she could talk to. When her Caller ID read "Michalchuk," Ellie rubbed her eyes. Maybe Marco was at Dylan's...? No... Dylan was at school. Before it was too late, Ellie answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Um, hi, can I talk to Ellie, please?" Paige's voice asked, for once quiet and intimidated.

"Speaking, who is this?" Ellie inquired, as if she didn't already know.

"Oh, hi, El, this is Paige."

Ellie swallowed hard. "Hi," she said, making an already uncomfortable tone reach a new level of awkwardness. "Why are you – is there something I can do for you?"

"No, I was just – you know – calling to... see how you are," Paige said, Ellie still surprised at how meek the normally outgoing Paige sounded.

"I'm fine. You know, just the usual stuff. Getting settled in back at home after the break up," Ellie said, barely believing she actually just said that. It was such personal information, and deep down she wanted Paige to know.

Paige's breath became shallow and she sniffled a few times. Ellie listened carefully to realize that Paige was starting to cry, desperately trying to hold back her tears. She tried to get a positive sentence out, but instead she blurted out, "Why? Ellie, why?"

Ellie's mind trailed back to the first time she met Paige in Media Immersion class. She remembered how beneath her she felt, and how Paige carried an air of confidence that rivaled her own. But that was the thing – Paige's confidence was real while Ellie's was just a front so that no one could see how scared and insecure she really was; so that no one could look in her eyes and see under her sleeve. Survival was the key, regardless of who she had to battle to "stay alive." From that first day in the M.I. lab, she knew that she wasn't on Paige's good side, and while she never told anyone, if she could, she would have gone back in time and changed her behavior that day, mindlessly complying with Paige's request for Ellie to move – and she would have done it with a smile. But she didn't. Just the previous day, they were throwing their usual verbal punches. What was Paige trying to pull? Ellie wasn't going to allow herself to be hurt by someone who had a strange power to destroy her more than most.

"Do you really want to know, Paige? Huh? Where is this coming from? This sudden concern over my well-being. Do you expect me to sit here on the phone with you, which by the way is our first conversation since I met you in grade 9, and go into an in-depth explanation about why I cut and why my life sucks? Is that what you want?"

"No," Paige began, making Ellie feel as if she had been punched in the stomach. "I want you to meet me at Finale. It's a cafe down the street from Riverdale Rest Home. It's small, quiet, and no one from school goes there. If you're not going to talk about this, you at least have to listen to what I've got to say. Okay?"

Ellie was quiet for several moments. She first paused to picture the location in which Paige was talking about, but then realized what Paige had actually just asked. She cleared her throat. "Okay. Fine. But Paige, I swear – if this is some joke that you and Hazel are trying to pull..."

Ellie was interrupted with a choked up response from Paige. "Ellie – I would never do that."

Ellie felt her pale cheeks redden as Paige's emotional affirmation sent the blood flowing through her system again. "I'll meet you in an hour."


	4. Pinch Me

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

Ellie was sitting at a corner table for two, nervously fidgeting with her bracelets. She had left especially early in case she got lost on the way, but it turned out she knew exactly where she was going, so she was already there for a good 10 minutes. She kept eyeing the clock, afraid maybe Paige wouldn't show. But no – if she had ever heard true emotion in her life, it was when Paige assured her she would be there. "Ellie – I would never do that"... the words rang in her head over and over.

Paige walked through the front door, fixing her hair and looking for Ellie. When she saw her in the corner, she thought how if that moment was frozen in time, it would have been a perfect visual depiction of this mysterious girl she had been trying to figure out for years – eyes downward, looking apprehensive and alone in the corner, dressed from head to toe in black and red. When their eyes met across the room, Paige waved at Ellie, moving towards her.

Ellie's eyes widened, and she fumbled, not sure whether or not to stand up or stay seated or what. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She convinced herself to act like she had since grade 8, pretending as if Paige had no affect on her.

"Hey," Paige said, smiling softly and sitting down.

"Hey," Ellie replied. "Um, I just asked for water because I didn't know if you were going to order something or what you wanted."

"Oh, that's fine, thanks," Paige said.

As Ellie reached her arm over to Paige's half of the table to hand her the water, Paige paused, running her fingers over Ellie's sleeve, having memorized exactly where the scars were. Ellie jumped slightly, drawing her arm back and breathing heavily.

"So... what exactly is it that you want to know?" Ellie asked, trying her best not to be defensive.

"Well, I know I asked this earlier, and it's not exactly a one-sentence answer, but I first want to know why you do it."

Ellie took a deep breath. "Well... I don't know if you know, but my dad's a soldier, and he's more often on call than not. While he's gone, it's hard on me and my mom, and last time he was away, my mom had a huge episode with alcohol and almost burning down our house, so needless to say that wasn't good. I've always felt like I was in their shadow... kind of insignificant. That mentality stuck with me I guess, hence my not-so-outgoing demeanor. And then I found Marco and Ashley who are still two of my closest friends, but we've grown apart, and it kills me. I talk and hang with them both when we have time, but it almost hurts more remembering what we used to have and looking at we have now and seeing a huge difference. But amidst all of that, I still had Sean," Ellie's eyes began to mist, almost filling. "I really thought he loved me. I mean, I'm sure he cared – at some point. But he probably didn't even know me."

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened between the two of you?" Paige interjected.

Ellie was surprised at how easily Paige could make her open up about things she normally never shared. "Well, to be blunt, he left me for Emma. I wanted so badly to hate her for it, and I even tried. But it's not her fault. It's not even his fault. So, who's left to blame but me? Even if I did nothing wrong, it doesn't make the pain any less."

Paige took a deep breath, overwhelmed with the information she had just taken in. "Wow. I knew you had been through a lot, but I wasn't sure of the specifics. But, even so, it still doesn't answer my question."

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, half confused, half defensive.

"Why cutting? Why not some other way to deal with the pain?" Paige asked, almost desperately.

"I'm not sure you could understand without having done it yourself. But I'll try to explain it. It's like – when your feelings are swarming and you don't get what's going on in your head, physical scars give you a pain to consciously identify with and control. And also, your body can only handle one type of pain at a time. In the summer I do it on my upper arms in case I need to wear a t-shirt, and the rest of the time, I wear long sleeves so no one can see. I don't cut for attention – I cut to try and make the pain on the inside go away by relating to pain on the outside," Ellie said, going back and forth between playing with her bracelets and looking at Paige.

Paige looked confused. "Then why did you show me? Was I so horrible that you had to break your privacy rules to prove me wrong?"

"No, you're not horrible," Ellie said, her eyes averting Paige's. "I showed you because I wanted help. I wanted you to care."

Paige paused, briefly thrown by Ellie's forwardness. "Well, I do. In fact, my next question is, what's our next step?"

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked.

"How do we get you to a point where cutting is no longer an option?" Paige asked, her eyes scanning Ellie's.

Ellie's stomach jumped when Paige said "we" instead of "you". "Well, in the past whenever I've wanted to cut, Ashley helped me put whatever I was feeling at that moment into words. Whether it be in the form of an actual poem, or just free-lance writing to clear my head."

"Well, then let's try it. What are you feeling right now?" Paige asked.

Ellie looked up, thrown slightly off guard. "You don't want to know what I'm feeling right now."

"How do you know?" Paige asked, now curious to hear what Ellie was referring to.

Ellie began to feel nervous, or more nervous than she already was. "Because – because you're Paige."

Paige's eyebrows raised, looking hurt. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah, that definitely didn't come out right. I just mean – I don't know – it's hard to explain. It's not necessarily anything bad. Just the fact that you and I are..." Ellie's voice trailed off, "I don't even know how to talk anymore."

Paige sighed, frustrated and confused. "Will you please just tell me what you're thinking? I won't laugh or get mad or whatever you think I'm going to react, I promise. I'm not a bad person, you know."

"No, I know you're not. That's what this is about. Just – on a deeper level I guess," Ellie said, now avoiding any kind of eye contact and her hands going crazy under the table. There was a pause, Ellie's heart beating in her ears and Paige anxiously awaiting Ellie's next sentence. "Paige, I – I know I've always kind of acted otherwise, but... I'm drawn to you. You know? It's another one of those feelings I don't know how to identify what or why. But being here with you right now is something I can barely believe is happening. And it makes me happy... for the first time in forever."

Paige's surprised expression gave Ellie no indication of whether or not she was pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. Ellie's cheeks felt hot and her animal-like protectiveness kicked in. She blinked back tears and stormed out of the cafe. Paige was too busy registering what Ellie had said that her reaction of Ellie leaving was delayed. She tried to stop her, but she was halfway out of the store. Paige quickly ran after her, and she hadn't gotten farther than the parking lot of the cafe.

Paige grabbed Ellie's arm, turning her to face her. By this time, Ellie's face was streaked with tears, which she frantically wiped away once Paige was looking at her.

"Please, just don't, Paige," Ellie began, "I told you it wasn't something you wanted to hear."

"Ellie, I..."

"Just don't make this harder than it is! And forget I said anything!" Ellie said, turning to walk away again.

"Ellie, stop!" Paige shouted, this time, holding Ellie's hand. Before Paige even breathed another word, Ellie had a feeling that maybe she was wrong with her assumption.

"What if I told you that I feel the same way?" Paige said, getting a firmer hold on Ellie's hand.

Ellie paused to find her voice. "I would tell you that it wasn't funny to joke about something like that."

Paige half-smiled. So typical Ellie. "What if I told you it wasn't a joke?"

"Then I would wait to wake up," Ellie said, swallowing hard.

"Ellie," Paige said gently, yet firmly, "This is real. Not a joke. Not a dream. I'm not sure I get it, either. But... it's there. It's been there for a while."

Their hands now entwined, the girls spent a moment studying the pattern in one another's eyes. However, their revelation was quickly interrupted by the sudden blast of a car horn. They quickly let go of their hands and looked to see who it was. A man pulled up beside them – Paige didn't recognize him, but Ellie did, and her eyes widened.

"Dad?!" she exclaimed, convinced now that this had to be a dream.

"There's my girl," Ellie's dad softly smiled, parking the car and hugging Ellie for the first time in about 3 months.

"What are you doing here?" Ellie asked.

"The mission ended early, and I wanted to surprise you and your mother," he replied.  
"Well, I figured that, but how did you know where to find me?" Ellie asked, suddenly questioning whether or not he knew something was up between she and Paige.

"You told Mom in the note you left. Remember?" he reminded her.

"Oh yeah," Ellie recalled, slightly relieved.

"Well, we're going back to the house and then I'm taking you two out for dinner," Mr. Nash said, hinting to her and Paige that their "date" would have to be postponed.

"Okay. Just give me a minute to say good bye to Paige," Ellie said.

Mr. Nash got back in the car, but he was still parked close enough to the girls to hear whatever they said. Ellie and Paige tried communicating through their eyes to figure out a way to talk without him hearing.

"Oh, crap!" Paige exclaimed, "I think I left my wallet inside!"

It took Ellie a moment to realize she was lying, and then she played along. "Uh oh, come on, let's go see. Dad, I'll be out in just a minute."

"Okay, Hun," he said.

Ellie and Paige returned back to the table they were sitting at, pretending to look for the wallet in case Ellie's dad could see through the window.

"Oh my God, Hun, are you psyched that your dad's back?" Paige asked, beaming from ear to ear with happiness for Ellie.

"Yeah, I can't believe he's here," Ellie said, sounding slightly less excited than Paige. Her mind happened to be elsewhere.

"So, what time do you think you're going to be with your family until?" Paige asked, getting back to "business."

"I don't know. It's his first night back, so probably until around 7:30-8:00," Ellie said.

"Okay," Paige said, "Do you think you'll be able to do something after then, or will that be too late?"

"No, that should be fine," Ellie said, glancing out the window. "Meet me around 8:15 in the park across the street. I'll make sure I'm there on time so you're not alone."

Paige smiled sweetly. "Okay. I'll be there."

Ellie reached down and touched Paige's hand again and smiling. "Bye," she whispered softly.

Ellie sat in the passenger seat of her dad's car, smiling and listening to him recap the summary of his mission. She rested her head against the seat, her hands folded, and she prayed the whole way home that she wasn't going to wake up.


	5. Bittersweet Kisses

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

Paige had underestimated the coldness of the evening by unwisely choosing not to bring a jacket with her. She felt her teeth slightly chattering, and she wasn't sure if that was all from the cold, or partly from being anxious. She thought back to the conversation she had with Ellie merely a few hours ago, and still couldn't believe she finally got herself to verbally admit, to Ellie at that, how she had always secretly felt. Paige always tried to overlook it to assure herself that she "wasn't like that," especially after what her mom went through with Dylan. But regardless of whether or not what she was feeling was "right" or not, the feelings were still strong.

As she was walking up to the central circle of the park, she saw Ellie coming from the other direction, on time as she had promised. Paige felt her heart speed up as she knew that this beautiful, fragile girl was coming there just for her.

"Hey, you," Paige spoke, softly, extending her arms out for a hug.

Ellie's stomach felt like it was doing back flips with all of her nervous anticipation. She wasn't really "a hugger." Hugging for Ellie had somewhat of a negative connotation, in fact. Every time she hugged someone, it was either when she had to say good bye to them, or when she blindly accepted the love and trust they were offering just to have them leave her for one reason or another. When she thought of this, she stiffened in Paige's arms, but Paige gently smoothed out the tension in Ellie's back with her hands, causing Ellie to feel safe and at ease for the first time.

When the hug broke, which seemed like eternities later, Paige took Ellie's hand and led her over to a park bench. "Come on, let's sit down."

Both girls sat down facing each other and took deep breaths. "So, how was dinner with the fam?" Paige asked.

"It was good," Ellie replied, smiling at Paige's interest in her happiness, "It was the first time in a while I've seen a real smile on my mom. But we didn't come here to talk about my family. Or at least I don't think we did."

Paige smiled shyly. "True. I just wanted to ask. I'm glad you had a good night."

Ellie smiled in return. "Thanks. I was kind of distracted the whole time though, to be honest. I still can't believe this is happening."

"I know, me neither," Paige agreed.

Ellie paused, looking confused, and Paige caught it in her eyes. "What's the matter?"

"Well… what exactly IS happening? I know I've had feelings for you that I've kept suppressed for a while now, but - I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happens next. You're not gay, right?"

Ahh. The question Paige had been throwing back and forth in her own head. "Well, no. Are you?"

"I guess you could call me bisexual. In fact, I've always preferred girls, but my parents are totally psycho about the whole gay thing, so I tried really hard to make it work with Marco and Sean, which it didn't. But either way, I never really thought I had a chance to make it work with any of the girls I felt for. Well, until now."

The two paused to smile at each other. "But, I have to ask, and I hope this isn't being insensitive, but if you're not gay, then how does this work? Or does it not at all and I'm just jumping the gun?"

"I've never been physically or emotionally attracted to girls," Paige began, making Ellie's heart sink, "I guess one of the only true aspects that people at school see about me is the fact that I am guy-crazy. But - ever since grade 9, every time I would hang out with Ashley, I'd ask her about you. I'll admit, I usually would pretend to make fun of you to make it sound like I didn't like you, but I didn't really know how else to deal with it. Earlier when we were talking - I already knew about your mom, your dad, Sean… all of it," Paige admitted, looking down.

"You knew all of that? Why didn't you just tell me?" Ellie questioned.

"Because… I wanted you to tell me. Plus, I was embarrassed," Paige explained.

"That's not embarrassing," Ellie stated, "That means a lot to me."

"Well, it just kind of showed me that when you really care about someone, it doesn't have to be about what gender they are. In the end it should come down to who your heart feels for, right?"

Ellie smiled, finding it unbelievably impressive and flattering that Paige would consider a "lifestyle" completely opposite from her own just for her sake. She placed her hand on Paige's, and was surprised at how cold it was. "Are you cold?"

"Yeah, a bit," Paige said.

"You should have said something," Ellie said, moving close to Paige and wrapping her arms around her waist, letting Paige lean back into her. Paige happily settled into Ellie's arms, and they sat in silence for a few moments before Ellie's insecurity arose again. "This is okay, right?"

Paige turned her head to face Ellie. "Of course it's okay. Just relax, all right?" Paige placed a soft kiss on Ellie's lips, and then turning back to the way she had just been sitting. Ellie couldn't believe that what she had wanted to happen for so long had just happened so quickly. She grasped Paige's chin with her hand and pulled her into another kiss, deeper this time. Paige turned around fully to face Ellie, stabling herself on Ellie's shoulder. Their tongues met, exploring every corner of one another's mouths, both pleasantly surprised at how great it felt.

They finished with a few simple kisses on the lips before Paige looked Ellie deeply in the eyes. "I really like you, El."

"I like you, too. I think we would be really good together," Ellie said, feeling stupid at how cheesy she sounded. But for some reason she didn't care, and had a feeling Paige wouldn't either.

"Me too, Hun," Paige said, "So, let's be together, then." Paige said as if she had suggested as simple as taking a walk.

Ellie couldn't help but beaming. "Okay." the two paused for a minute, not sure of what happened next. "I guess I'm just expecting the fireworks or cheesy music to kick in. You know, something of that romantic movie nature."

Paige laughed. "Well, I have no fireworks or music, but -" Paige stopped to place Ellie's hand on her chest, allowing her to feel Paige's racing heart, "How's that work out for you?"

Ellie took Paige's face in her hands, knowing that she was kissing the most beautiful girl in her world and feeling damn lucky about it. They kept breaking to speak, but instead just allowed themselves to be consumed in their first moments as a couple through physical affection.

They were then interrupted by the subtle noise of Ellie's watch going off. "Crap, I should probably get home. Don't want to start the first day with Dad back home on the wrong foot."

"Aww," Paige sighed, "Okay. Can I call you when I get home?"

Ellie smiled, hoping Paige would ask that. "Sure. I'll be up all night."

"Great. Give me a hug," Paige said, pulling Ellie towards her, the girls holding each other tightly. This time, Paige didn't have to force Ellie into relaxing, but it was just naturally so. "Good night, Babe. I'll talk to you when I get in."

"Okay. Drive safely," Ellie said, rubbing Paige's back.

The girls ended the evening with one more kiss good bye, and then went their separate ways. Ellie felt like she was walking on air the whole walk home, feeling for the first time that this attraction between she and Paige was real. Then, she was stricken with fear as she knew she had to rid herself of Paige's scent and the make up that had been transferred between their bodies, or risk facing consequences worse than anything she could ever imagine.


	6. False Hope

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

The next few weeks were some of the best times in both Paige and Ellie's lives. There was not one night that passed where the two did not spend at least 2 hours on the phone with each other before bed, to end a day which usually included the two spending time at one another's houses. Mrs. Michalchuk began to consider Ellie her "second daughter," and Mr. and Mrs. Nash were glad to see that Ellie was starting to make more friends. But Paige wanted to wait to talk to Dylan before telling her mom about her relationship with Ellie, and as for Ellie - well, she was just hoping she could keep her secret under wraps until university.

But Paige wasn't afraid of telling her mom. After all, her older brother, Dylan had been openly gay for quite a long time, and he wasn't kicked out of the house or beaten for it or anything like that. His boyfriend, Marco was even welcome into their house plenty of times. She was pretty lucky to have an older brother who already "tested the waters" in her family so she knew where everything stood ahead of time. She was going to call Dylan after she hung up with Ellie that Friday night, 3 and a half weeks from when they had started going out.

"Ellie, you're so quiet tonight!" Paige remarked over the telephone.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be. I'm just writing, I've been listening though, I swear," Ellie said, making Paige smile at how cute she was.

"Writing, eh? Now what could you be writing that's more important than me?" Paige teased.

Ellie gasped, mock-offended. "Just some poetry, that, if you must know, happens to be about you. So there!" Ellie finished, teasing back.

"Aww! About me? I want to hear!" Paige squealed.

"No way!" Ellie laughed.

"Uh! You can't tell me that you're writing me love poems and then not read them to me! I'm your girlfriend - it should be, like, a right of passage or something!" Paige whined.

Ellie laughed again. "Okay, mental note, you get cuter every time I talk to you. But no, I'm not going to read it to you over the phone, because it won't have the same effect. Maybe for our one month anniversary I'll give you some of the good ones."

"Fine, I guess I can settle for that," Paige smiled.

Suddenly Ellie sighed and her tone changed. "Babe, my mom just yelled at me to get off the phone. I have to go."

"Aww, okay," Paige said, "You turning in for the night?"

"Yeah, probably," Ellie began, "I might write a little more before I go to bed, but my mom was kind of hinting on getting some sleep.

"Okay, well, I hope you sleep well. We're still on for tomorrow afternoon, right?" Paige inquired.

"Yep," Ellie smiled, "Oh, and just for the record - you know that nothing's more important than you, right?"

Paige was flattered, but slightly thrown. "What, Sweetie?"

"Well, before you asked what writing could be more important than you. And I just wanted you to know that nothing is," Ellie said, shyly, her voice slightly trailing off at the end.

Paige melted at the pure sweetness and simplicity of that statement. "Well, it was just a joke, but thank you for saying that. That made my night. And likewise, of course. I like you, Baby."

In one of their conversations, Paige and Ellie had a very in-depth conversation about the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. They knew they loved each other, but knew that being in love with someone was a process that they knew they still had to work up to. Also, they wanted something to give their relationship depth and to look forward to, so therefore decided to say "I like you" instead of "I love you" until they reached that point in their relationship.

"I like you, too, Paige. Sweet dreams, Love," Ellie said.

"Bye," Paige replied, hanging up the phone, then falling happily back onto her comforter.

She sat there for a few minutes thinking of all of Ellie's heartwarming qualities before she remembered that she had planned to call Dylan. The reason she had waited so long in the first place was because Dylan's dorm phone was temporarily out of service, and he wanted to use his cell phone sparingly for monetary purposes, so now that the phone was fixed, Paige was excited about finally getting to catch her older brother up on what had been going on in her life.

"Hello?" Dylan answered.

"Hey, it's me!" Paige said, excitedly.

"Hey, Stranger, long time no talk!" Dylan said, happy to hear from Paige.

"I know! How's school?" she asked.

"Pretty good. Lots of work, but lots of parties, you know how it is," Dylan began, "What about you?"

"Eh, school's fine I guess, but that's not why I called. There's actually something I've been wanting to tell you."

"Okay," Dylan said, curious, "Go ahead."

"Well, you got my e-mail about how Spin and I broke up, right?" Paige asked.

"Yeah, I did. I'm really sorry about that," Dylan said with genuine concern.

"Thanks," Paige said, slightly feeling sadly nostalgic over the whole experience, "It was really hard, but I kind of knew for a while that I was hanging onto something that couldn't work. But, despite what happened, I'm with someone else actually now."

Dylan laughed, "Ah, leave it to you, Paige. Old to new in a few weeks."

Even Paige had to slightly laugh at his joke, but then became serious. "No, this is actually something real. Not anything close to what I had with Spinner in a lot of ways."

Dylan laughed and sighed. "Okay, then. Who is it?"

Paige took a deep breath. It was weird that she was kind of nervous about this even though she knew Dylan had no right to react negatively. "Ellie. Ellie Nash. You know, the bassist in my band?"

Dylan paused for a minute, definitely surprised about the news he had just taken in.

"Wow. You have a girlfriend?" Dylan asked, double checking to make sure he didn't misunderstand.

"Yes," Paige said, "You're really quiet."

"It's just weird, because part of me is completely and totally surprised, and probably would be if you said anyone other than Ellie. But, there's a part of me that isn't very surprised at all."

"You mean you knew I liked Ellie before now?" Paige asked, suddenly concerned with how obvious she had been in the past.

"Well, I pick up on the little things more than the average person, and that's why I usually ignored them, thinking I could be wrong. But, you always had this unexplainable interest in her and yet a front that you hated her, so I guess I was a bit suspicious. But either way, Paige, you know I'm behind you 100. I obviously know what you're going through and I want you to be happy."

Paige smiled at how good it felt to hear that. "I am happy. Ellie's amazing and we have an awesome relationship. She's been over almost every day, and Mom really likes her. In fact, I was thinking of telling Mom tonight after I get off the phone with you."

"Tonight? Uh, Paige, before you do there's," Dylan paused, "Crap, the phone is being trippy again. Can you hear me? Paige?"

Suddenly the line died out. Paige gave Dylan a few minutes to call back, but when he didn't, she decided she wanted to get this thing with her mom over with sooner than later. Whatever Dylan was trying to tell her could surely wait.

Like before, Paige was still slightly nervous even though she knew this whole thing was a guaranteed success, but coming out to Dylan first made it easier.

Paige knocked on her mom's bedroom door. "Come in," replied Mrs. Michalchuk.

"Hey, Mom," Paige began, "Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Honey," Paige's mom said, patting the bed, "What's on your mind?"

"Well, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a little while. I actually just got off the phone with Dylan, and he says hi. But, anyway, you know how Spinner and I were dating for a long time and had a pretty bad break up. Well, over the years I've kind of had someone else on my mind, but never really thought it could work and was confused with some of my feelings. Anyway, I'm just babbling. But, I just wanted to let you know, so I don't have to hide and to be fair to you - Ellie's my girlfriend. We haven't been going out long, but -"

"Your girlfriend? You mean like a friend, right?" Mrs. Michalchuk asked, her eyes wide and looking almost as if they were filling with tears.

Paige was becoming confused. "No. My girlfriend. Like - in a gay way - for lack of better phrasing."

Suddenly, taking Paige by complete surprise, Mrs. Michalchuk stood from the bed and ran out, beginning to cry harder than Paige had ever seen her mother cry. Completely thrown by this reaction, Paige ran after her mom, who had run down the stairs. Paige followed and found her mom, on her knees, sobbing on the kitchen floor. Paige's eyes widened and her own eyes began to fill with tears at seeing her mother like this.

"Mom, what's the matter?" Paige asked, confused and afraid.

Mrs. Michalchuk couldn't even look Paige in the eyes, but kept repeating, through her tears, "Not you, too - God not you, too!"

"Mom, what are you…?" Paige began to ask, interrupted by her mom.

"I can't deal with this. This is not something I understand or condone. Not one of my children, but both of my children. I - I can't deal with this. I need to go to bed. I - I just need to go. Now." Mrs. Michalchuk spoke in between frantic breathing and barely sounded coherent before she turned to walk upstairs, ignoring Paige's pleas for her to stay there and talk.

Tears began to streak Paige's face as she stood there with a shattered heart and a broken ego. Only then did she notice her cell phone beeping from her pocket. "1 Missed Call" it read. She must have not even heard it through the madness that had just ensued. She beeped into her voicemail to receive a message from Dylan:

"Hey, Paige, it's me. I don't know if it's too late yet, but I just wanted to talk to you before you came out to mom. I know it may seem like something that she would never get upset at, but you never really knew the whole story of how she reacted when I came out. I mean, she's accepted it over time because she loves me, but she freaked out at first. It's not something she grew up with, and she has a really hard time dealing with the concept. So, maybe you should wait a little bit, at least until I come home. We'll talk more about this later. My dorm phone is down again, but you can call me back here if you need me. Gotta go for now, miss you, love you, bye."

Never before had Paige regretted checking her voicemail too late.


	7. A Vicious Circle

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

It was around 12:45 AM when Ellie was finally starting to doze off. The idea she had on the phone about presenting some of her poetry to Paige as an anniversary gift inspired her, and she started to make a little anthology, which she of course had to hide carefully so her parents wouldn't see.

She then lay under her covers, thinking of Paige, and hoping to dream of her, too.

However, she was awoken by her telephone ringing. She checked her clock to confirm that it was just about 1:00 AM, and wondered who was calling so late. She answered the phone that was right beside her bed. But when the Caller ID read "Michalchuk", she lost her annoyance and suddenly had a sinking feeling that maybe something was wrong. She and Paige had started the "no calling after 11:00" rule for Ellie's house, because her parents went to bed pretty early, but Ellie told Paige if there was an emergency to call anyway.

"Paige?" Ellie asked as she picked up the phone.

The first thing Ellie heard was gasping for air. "Ellie - I - I need to talk to you..." Paige attempted to say, her speech broken by sobs.

"Shh, Baby, calm down, I'm here. Shhh, breathe, Sweetie, breathe. What's the matter?" Ellie asked, beginning to lose any hint of color she had in her face.

"I told my mom about us, and she totally freaked out! She ran away from me twice and fell on the floor bawling her eyes out and told me she couldn't deal with it!" Paige said, recalling how traumatic the incident was for her.

Ellie became angry. "What?! How can she accept Dylan and then push you away? That's not fair!"

"After it all happened, Dylan left me a voicemail and said that when he came out, she freaked on him, too, because she's supposedly not used to or supportive of the whole gay thing. But - I just - thought she was going to be there for me, and now she hates me!" Paige finished, still trying to speak through her tears.

"Sweetie, you listen to me, okay? Your mom does NOT hate you! That's not the case at all! She's just, surprised I guess. Even though she initially freaked out on Dylan, she still loves him and accepts him and even is accepting of him and Marco. So, maybe it will just take some time," Ellie said, almost crying herself at Paige's sadness.

"I'm just afraid that instead of coming to terms with it, she's just going to decide she's had enough and cut me off," Paige feared.

"Baby, I don't think that's the case," Ellie said gently, "But even if it is, no matter what, I'll be here for you this entire time - you know that, right?"

"I know," Paige's voice trailed off, "Ellie, I need you so much."

"I know, Honey, but I'm here. Always." Ellie said. Suddenly, there was a knock on Ellie's bedroom door. "Sweetie, my parents woke up. They're knocking at my door, I have to go. I'll call you in the morning."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Good night." Paige said quickly, not wanting to get Ellie in trouble.

Ellie answered the door and was surprised and a little frightened to find both her parents standing there, looking none too pleased. She assumed it was just about the phone ringing, but then, Mrs. Nash said, "So, Paige is your girlfriend, huh?"

Ellie froze. Her body literally became numb. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, when the phone rang at 1:00 in the morning, waking us up, your mother picked it up to see who could possibly calling and heard everything the two of you said," said Mr. Nash, his eyes angry, a look she rarely saw on her dad.

Her head began swarming with all of the things she had always rehearsed saying if her parents made this accusation. _"It's just a joke. My friends were just playing around." "We're just friends, nothing more." _But nothing could get her out of this. The phone call was irrefutable evidence that there was absolutely no way around.

"You were listening in on my phone call? That's invasion of privacy!" Ellie shouted, even though she was well aware that she was in no position to be yelling.

"Eleanor, may we remind you that in this house, privacy is a privilege, not a right!" Ellie's mom began, her hands trembling with anger. "Do not make this about us listening in on one conversation when you've been lying to us and defying our wishes for God only knows how long now!"

Ellie had always pictured what she would do if faced with this situation. Her parents' reaction was so far similar to what she expected, but she had always pictured herself acting differently from how she was about to respond. Her parents had a power over her that was stronger than she could explain. It was about more than being obedient; it was about being intimidated and afraid. However, this was before Paige came into her life. She knew they had only been together for a few weeks, but she already had an incredible motivation to hang on to what they had and never let go.

"I'm not trying to defy your wishes! This is not what this is about! This is about me being who I am and me loving Paige and her being one of the best things that ever happened to me. Before I might have said that if I had a choice, I'd choose to be straight so that I wouldn't have to face all of the emotional distress and the problems with you guys. But knowing how right this feels and how much I have benefited from this relationship, I wouldn't change it for anything or anyone – not even the two of you. I love you guys to death, and that's always how it will be. But if you don't want me to be happy, then I just need to take it upon myself to do what I know is right for me."

After Ellie's assertive personal statement, all 3 parties involved were shocked. Ellie couldn't believe she actually said that, standing up to her parents for the first time.

However, her parents were less impressed, and instead of helping, Ellie's speech fueled the fire that was already intense enough.

"Ellie, this is so typical you; too caught up in yourself to even consider compromising with the people that raised you and put a roof over your head!" Mr. Nash said, not only surprising Ellie, but breaking her heart as well.

Ellie began to tear up. "Typical me, Dad? Is that really how you feel?"

"Well, what else are we supposed to think when you participate in a lifestyle that goes completely against what we've taught you, lied to us about it, and then refuse to even try and change? Your father and I have both worked hard and given up a lot to support you and make sure that you are taken care of. And this is how you repay us?" Mrs. Nash added, making the situation even worse.

"Mom, Dad, I – " Ellie began.

"Ellie, stop it, this conversation is over," Mrs. Nash interrupted.

"And let's make this clear; you are not to see or talk to that girl again, do you understand?" Mr. Nash said.

"What?!" Ellie exclaimed, tears now beginning to fall, "You can't make me and Paige stop seeing each other. I won't do it!"

"Eleanor Nash, as long as you live under our roof, you will go by our rules. This travesty between you and Paige, it's over! And don't think you'll be able to get away with it like you did when you lied about staying with Ashley and you really stayed with Sean, because I'll be in close contact with Mrs. Kerwin to see exactly what you're up to. I shouldn't have made a big deal last time – at least you were with a man."

"This is not fair! And I'm not leaving Paige! I'm not!" Ellie exclaimed, having officially lost all composure. She punched the doorframe and quickly backed into her room, slamming the door and locking it.

First she laid face down on her comforter and just cried. She did not regret the way she defended Paige, but she was hurt by her parents' comments, and scared of her future with Paige. She moved over her dresser drawer, feeling the need to cut, but then stopped, thinking of what Paige would say. She couldn't do that to her, especially not at a time like this. So instead, she got out her poetry notebook and began writing. Writing all of the crazy thoughts that were in her head away and hours later, falling asleep at the desk with tear-streaked cheeks and a pen in her hand.


	8. Beating the System

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components.__**  
**_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **The "poem" that Ellie writes in this chapter is really an unreleased song by Evanescence entitled "Before the Dawn," which is what this fic is named after. __I do not own it whatsoever. Your best bet of finding the song would be on YouTube or a free music-sharing site, as it is very rare._**_  
_**

Ellie and Ashley were sitting in the Degrassi cafeteria a week from the Friday night that Ellie and Paige's parents found out - their one month anniversary. When Ellie had woken up the morning after the fight with her parents, her phone was gone and parental controls were set on her e-mail. She was also grounded from everything but school. Paige's mom had developed a zombie-like demeanor, coming alive only when the phone rang, wondering if it was Ellie. The two were not out at school and had none of the same classes, so the most contact they were able to have was a few short words in the hall and maybe a quick hug.

A few days before, Ellie told Ashley everything that had happened. Ashley was completely supportive, albeit a bit surprised, but still behind Ellie all the way, which was a definite comfort in her time of need. But nonetheless, all Ellie wanted to do was fall into Paige's arms and have her kiss all the pain away.

Ellie poked at her salad with a fork, not hungry for it. Ashley put her hand on Ellie's shoulder.

"Ellie, will you please eat something?" Ashley asked concerned.

"I'm not hungry," Ellie replied quickly.

Ashley sighed, wanting to be able to do something for her friend. "Well, I told my mom what's been going on, and she says although she wishes she could, she can't lie to your parents about where you are. But, she did say she wouldn't have a problem with you and Paige both coming over and spending some time at my house. Just after this weekend, because we have a ton of family staying with us."

Ellie smile, grateful of how willing Ashley was to help make this work. "Ashley, you're amazing. Thank you."

The two smiled as Ellie began to pick at some of her salad.

In between the next set of classes, Paige opened her locker to find something taped to the inside door. It read:

Before the Dawn  
Written by: E. Nash

Meet me after dark again  
And I'll hold you  
I want nothing more than to see you there

And maybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn

If only night could hold you where  
I can see you, my love  
And let me never, ever wake again

And maybe tonight  
We'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn

Meet me at the park tonight… same time, same place… I miss you so much… Love, Ellie  
P.S. Happy one-month anniversary.

Paige's eyes slightly misted as she read Ellie's poem, when Hazel came up behind her, surprising her.

"Hey! What are you reading?" Hazel asked, leaning over Paige's shoulder.

Paige quickly crinkled up the poem into a ball and put in her pocket. "Just a bad homework grade. You still need a ride home today?"

"Yeah, that'd be great, thanks. But I'm going to be late for Simpson if I don't hurry. Ciao." Hazel quickly exited down the hall.

Once the coast was clear, Paige took the note from her pocket and did her best to smooth all the rips and folds. She kept reciting Ellie's words in her head until the end of the day until she got home, anxiously counting the hours down until 8:00.


	9. We'll Be Lost Before the Dawn

_**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components._

Paige was sitting on the same bench that she and Ellie had their first kiss on, remembering exactly how it felt, and anticipating seeing Ellie that night for what seemed like the first time in forever. She had made Ellie a black and red beaded bracelet. It wasn't much, but she wanted to do something for their anniversary. She laughed at herself for making such a big deal out of the occasion, but after all they had both endured from their parents, Paige was relieved that they had lasted that month.

Ellie was walking, poetry anthology in hand, to the park a few minutes late. It had been more of a task sneaking out her house than she thought, but it was worth it. For some reason she was more nervous seeing Paige tonight than she had the first time; nervous yet at ease all at once. She wasn't sure how Paige could make her feel so many different things simultaneously, but she managed.

When the two caught first sight of each other, they couldn't help but run and meet each other halfway, embracing tightly and never wanting to let go. Getting caught up in all of the emotion of the past month, Paige began to cry, still holding Ellie tightly and burying her head into her shoulder, and even Ellie let a few silent tears slip down her pallid cheeks. After their hug broke, they began to kiss, each having desperately missed the feeling of the other girl's lips on her own. Ellie held Paige tightly at the waist and Paige softly stroked Ellie's face, drying the tears that had fallen.

After their kiss, they looked deeply into each other's eyes, Paige being the first to speak. "I missed you so much, Angel."

"I missed you, too, Baby," Ellie said, clearing a strand of hair from Paige's face, "Come on, let's sit down. I want to give you something."

The two held hands, but instead of walking over to their usual sitting place, sat on the grass towards the middle of the park, being able to look around for yards and see nothing but each other. Ellie was slightly blushing as she handed Paige the book she had worked on.

"Well, first of all, you said you wanted to read some of the poetry I wrote about you, so I put together an anthology of some of the ones I've worked on lately. Since I haven't been able to talk to you, I wanted to invest my time in something that would keep you on my mind as much as possible," Ellie said, making her the most precious human being alive in Paige's eyes.

"Oh my God! Baby Girl, this is perfect!" Paige said, accepting the gift and almost tearing up yet again. She had never cried so often in her life, but they were always tears of happiness. She pulled Ellie close to her in a hug, and then kissed her deeply. "I love it so much. Thank you!"

Ellie smiled shyly and averted eye contact. "I'm glad you like it."

"Well, now I feel stupid giving you my gift. It's not much because I didn't have a lot to work from, so I had to kind of get creative. I hope it's not too cheesy," Paige said, reaching in her purse for the bracelet she had made and giving it to Ellie.

"Aww!" Ellie beamed, "This isn't cheesy at all and nothing to feel stupid over! It's adorable and it definitely goes with everything I wear! Thank you so much!"

The girls leaned in for another kiss, and then Paige lay down on her back, motioning for Ellie to lay down with her. Ellie rested her head on Paige's chest, being soothed by the steady beating of Paige's heart. Paige put one arm around Ellie and used her other to gently stroke Ellie's hair.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying each other's company, until Ellie remembered the great news she heard from Ashley at lunch.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You know how my parents said they would call Mrs. Kerwin to make sure I was actually at Ashley's house? So there was no way I could sneak out?"

"Yeah," Paige replied solemnly, "Not like my house would be the best venue for our get-togethers anyway. But, continue."

"Well, Ashley talked to her mom, and while Kate said she couldn't lie about my whereabouts, she said it was fine if both you and I hung out there so we can be together and see each other!" Ellie finished excitedly, expecting to hear the same kind of reaction from Paige.

"Wait a second," Paige began, skeptically, "Ashley knows? About us?"

Ellie paused. "Yeah. But she's totally cool with it, so don't worry," she tried reassuring Paige.

"Why did you tell Ashley without asking me?" Paige asked, her voice sounding slightly upset.

Ellie sat up, her defensiveness again kicking in. She looked Paige in the eyes. "Are you embarrassed to be with me?"

Paige sat up as well, putting her hand on Ellie's. "What? Ellie, no! That's not what this is about! I'm just - not ready to be out yet. Okay?"

Ellie sighed and nodded, cracking her knuckles and fidgeting with her hands. Paige could tell that Ellie was not satisfied with her answer.

"You're upset," Paige stated.

"No, I'm fine" Ellie said, not making eye contact.

"Ellie," Paige gently grabbed Ellie's chin and made it so she was looking her in the eye, "I know you. Something's wrong. What's this all about?"

Ellie took a deep breath. "You're afraid to hug me at school. I saw you crumple my poem into a ball when you were with Hazel. You shot me a look like you didn't know or like me when you were in the hall with Craig and Jimmy. You don't even want me telling Ashley, my best friend other than you, about us. How can I think that you're not ashamed of me?"

"Honey, it's not that, it's -" Paige began to say.

"It's what? I mean - I defended us, defended _you _in front of my parents. I stood up for myself and told them you were the one thing that made me happy and I wasn't letting you go, and now can't go anywhere but school because of it. And tomorrow I'm probably going to be suspended of any rights I have left if they know that I sneaked out, but to me you're worth that chance. I guess I'm just not worth as much to you," Ellie finished.

Paige felt like she had been punched in the stomach. "Ellie, that's not fair!" she began. It was already in the back of Ellie's head that her previous statement wasn't completely fair, but now it was registering. "All my life I've been lucky enough to have a lot of people in my life who care about me, and in addition, all of those people have supported me 100 in what I've wanted to do. When my mom reacted the way she did about our relationship - I don't think I could put into words how much that hurt me. I mean, she didn't forbid me from seeing you or anything, but just the fact that I made her cry the way I did and that she was disappointed in me broke my heart. If I'm being honest, I've been hesitant on coming out at school because I'm scared. Really scared. I don't want to feel the way I did with my mom with everyone else. But it has nothing to do with how much I care for you and how much I think this is worth. Please know that."

Ellie emotionally began to lower her guard, and moved closer to Paige again, taking Paige's hand in her own. "I know. I'm sorry for being so harsh," Ellie began, stroking Paige's hand with her thumb.

But there was still something that didn't fit quite right in the situation, and regardless of her better judgment, she said it anyway. "And I don't want to pressure you into anything at all. I guess the way I feel is just that, you shouldn't have to be scared about anything when I'm around. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of crap we face in the time we're together, which will hopefully be a long time. But, just know that we'll get through it - because I refuse to see you hurt."

Paige wanted to respond, but she couldn't. She was so incredibly taken with Ellie at the moment that she was literally rendered speechless. She squeezed Ellie's hand tightly and allowed herself to get lost in the immeasurable depth of her brown eyes. When she could finally find her voice she said, "Monday - I want to come out to everyone. As a couple."  
Ellie was thrown. "Sweetie, I'm not mad at you. I don't want you to rush anything you don't feel right about."

"I don't want to do this because I feel rushed. I want to do this because… I love you."

Ellie's eyes instantly filled with tears and her hands began trembling. She had waited for 3 years for this exact moment, and it had finally come to pass. "I love you, too."

The two leaned in for their most passionate kiss ever, barely being able to keep their hands off of one each other as they drowned themselves in their frenzy of kisses. They continued kissing, caught up in the fire of their love for one another for the next hour, and then spent the remainder of their time laying on the grass, looking at the sky, and holding each other, just before the dawn.


End file.
